I appreciate your concern.  I do.  I can sense your sincerity.  It’s nice to know I’ll be missed.  But try to hug me again and I will break your fucking arm.  Seriously.

We are not friends.  We are not family.  Yes, we are bound together by crap wages, a lousy working atmosphere, an unreasonable dress code, and bad coffee, but we are not family.  Oh, they say we are.  They say it at every employee meeting.  I say bullshit.   We’re not family.  I tolerate my family.  I’ll not tolerate you.  So back up,  Richard Simmons.   You’re in my space.

See, executives use words like “family,” to build morale, increase loyalty, and decrease unplanned absence.  They do not use words like “family” because they care about you.  They use words like “family,” because it saves them money.  They use words like “family,” because it makes you feel better about your shitty job, your shitty paycheck, and your shitty little life.

Executives use words like “family,” but you may not drop by their house for lunch on Sunday.  You may not borrow money.  You may not borrow the car.  You may not sleep on the couch.  They will not attend your wedding.  They will not call you on Christmas morning.  And they sure as hell won’t be at the reunion.

We are not family.  So, keep your fucking distance.